Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
