and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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