When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
