I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
