WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
there is glitter all over my balls
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
