just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
