What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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