i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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