Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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