were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
