im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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