He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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