Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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