well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
