I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
