You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.