The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
