Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
