it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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