Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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