remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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