you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
