I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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