Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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