dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
