i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
