I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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