It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Never joke about your clitoris.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
