On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
