in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
