My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize