i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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