I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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