Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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