i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
