3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize