when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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