google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
