I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize