theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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