i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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