Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
