im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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