I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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