Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
