I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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