I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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