At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
