Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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