..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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