he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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