Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
