Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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