In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
