Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize