I am puke
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
