so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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