so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
