Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
