Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
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It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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