I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The adults are the big ones right?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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