I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
