i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
