im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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